Grandma

This past Friday my maternal grandmother passed away, and I made the trip home for the funeral. I know my blog is typically about my experiences with nature, and I will return to that soon, but I felt I should express a bit about my grandmother, and about her funeral.

Sitting here now in this library, thinking upon my grandmother, there is one clear image that comes to mind. It is a smile she gave which said simultaneously "I love you" and "I know you're a devilish little one, and you're going to cause trouble", or more typically "I love you" and "I'm a devilish little one, and I'm going to cause trouble". Grandma had that look down pat, and I was on the receiving end of it numerous times.

Even as her sight weakened, those blue eyes pierced through my heart every time, and looking in to them I could see her feelings. The excitement and joy when I arrived at her front door for a visit. The impish quality the crinkled corners gave her, just before she said something hilarious. The feigned shock, which was really pride, when she was retold humorous stories of our days. My favorite was the mock innocence with a smile when she tried to pretend she was not up to any mischief. Although toward the end her eyes told a sadder story, I only really remember the times Grandma's eyes sparkled. She had the ability to make you feel completely loved, with just a look.

Grandma would give me the "you'd better not" smile right now, but I think it is important that you see the humor she had. When Grandma was living in a condo she had a first alert button, and it usually remained hung on her walker. One day she was out in the garden working, and must have accidently pushed the button. The call center tried talking to her on the speaker in her house, but as she was outside, she didn't hear them. So the call center sent over a police officer to check on her. When the police officer explained why he was there, she said "Well if I knew they'd send over cute police officers like you, I'd push it more often!"

I've been blessed to have some amazing grandparents, and be thoroughly loved by them. I loved being reminded that she was thinking about me, and knowing I loved her. Grandma liked to reuse cards, or create her own from old cards, and it always warmed my heart to see her handwriting on a letter in my mailbox. Even if it was just a few words, she always managed to make me feel loved and warm, hundreds of miles away.

On my drive home for the funeral it rained heavily, and at times I couldn't tell if my vision was blurry from the downpour, or from my own tears. Although Grandma's passing was blessing for her as her health had declined in the last few years, it was still hard to imagine, and hard to accept. When I was told the news I was sitting in a library like this, and although I had been waiting for the phone call I still had not prepared myself for the overwhelming sense of loss that overcame me.

With the core of me I know my grandmother still lives in my heart, just as she always will in the hearts of those who loved her. She touched so many of us, extending her gift of love beyond her family, to her friends, and anyone who knew her. The greatest honor I hope to have one day is to know I've loved someone, and made someone feel as loved, as my Grandma did for me.

This blog post is much harder to write than any of the others. Right after the funeral I had to hit the road to get back up here. I've missed two days of work, and had a great deal to catch up on. Taking this time to think about my grandma has caused my throat to ache, and tears to well just before tumbling down my face.

Thank you Grandma; for loving me and for always encouraging me to be an imp. I miss you, and I love you a great deal.